After some busy, fun filled weeks, I am now down for the count. Foolishly, I decided to try and unroll a 12x 20 (?- BIG) rug in a furniture filled room by myself; my 59 year old, tall, slender, spine curvature, prone to back strain, self. My darling husband came home as I as trying to use a car jack to raise the bed (innovative, don't you think?). He finished the job-rug finally in place-color me happy.
Alas, on Wed., my back HURT with each and every movement, but I had theatre tickets, expensive ones, and I was determined to go, enjoy lunch with friends and see this oh, so funny production. The bus ride is about an hour and a half each way-ill advised for anyone plagued with back pain. The day was wonderful, but the next day... The next day, I could not move-no, really, could NOT move. The slightest twitch sent electric shock pains through my body.
It's been exactly a week since the great rug unrolling debacle. I've spent the better part of each day either in a recliner or my bed. Lord, knows recliners are hulking, ugly pieces of furniture, but I have come to know the inner beauty of a Lazy Boy recliner! Gratefully, our bed has a head and foot raising option-hence the need of a carjack to lift it when placing a rug beneath it
. I have made great use of this function. It has enabled some independence in getting out of bed.
Yesterday, I went to the doctor. He prescribed a muscle relaxer and pain killers, only to be taken at night and affirmed that I needed to lay low, use heat. Today, after a wonderful, restorative sleep, I was able to get out of the bed without sound effects! Of late, I've sounded like I'm giving birth at the moment I rise. Within minutes, I was strongly reminded that, though I've made progress, I have a long way to go...sigh.
This has been a journey, a time of forced rest, relaxation, reflection, and regrouping. The timing of this event was almost providential. At the suggestion of a dear friend, with whom I share a number of strongly held beliefs, I had just finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. This book and it's message touched me deeply. I had committed to the idea of looking for and documenting gifts. I've done this on and off for years. My list has always been topped with my family and friends- the undeniably greatest earthly sources of my joy ( and, who are we kidding, heartache!). I do thank God each and everyday for these, His most valuable gifts to me, but there are so many, many more- the gifts I take for granted, the gifts I don't even notice because I'm just "too busy" with the stuff of life.
So, now, I'm not so busy. It's really easy for me to get down, and when I'm hurting and frustrated, well, I can get downright miserable, but I was determined to use this healing time more wisely. I miss the daily activities I sometimes dread, but when I can't do them, I certainly appreciate the ability to do them.
Crafting, creating gives me joy. I love the process, and I love sharing this with others, but, for now, I cannot engage, so my blog sits in cyber space- that's fine, really. Few visit here unless they're required to to enter a blog hop- I get it. Life's crazy busy, and we are all on sensory overload and so, so many of us are putting out our thoughts, ideas, and creations. While Brene Brown speaks of our culture of scarcity(my new mantra thanks to Brene-Enough, and more than enough)- never enough ( yeah, I love her writing, too), there really are enough, more than enough, of us sharing in the blog-a-sphere. I'm not writing this for anyone other than me, really- but publishing makes me vulnerable, and if I touch even one person's heart, then it serves a purpose.
I am still. I notice the warmth of the sunshine, how the sunlight streams into the room, bounces of the glass table top. I look out the window and see the leaves- bright oranges, yellows, and reds, a celebration as they joyfully let go for their upcoming winter slumber. My little dogs recognize that something isn't right-they don't leave my side. I am comforted by their warm little bodies pressed next to mine, the rhythm of their steady breath. As word leaks out into our little town, a few phone calls, some sweet emails, a meal...
The daily miracles-answered prayers both big and small. Daily meditations-gratitude-leave it to Oprah!
And, my family, my wonderful, sometimes dis-functional family... I notice my husband's kindness in ways I often overlook, his compassion, caring-a gentle, loving giant. He supports me in so many ways. My children call and text- words of love and caring, commitment and concern for me, for one another. I am so proud of them, so grateful for them. My new son, my son-in-law, called just to tell me he loves me, us, his new family. What a wonderful young man! My granddaughter, just a baby, doesn't even know how much I love her- perhaps will not be able to even wrap her mind and heart around it until she one day becomes a grandmother.
I am healing, and soon, my world will expand, again-a gift! While this has been a painful interlude, and I do NOT wish to repeat it, it has been a meaningful time...a gift.
